angrykeyboarder

8 Ways to Kill Someone by Using an iPod Nano

I'm not sure if this is supposed to be funny or not, but I found it funny myself.

(found @ http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2006/6/23fleming.html)

1. Break it in half with your hands (very easy to do) and use the glass viewing screen's broken edge as a razorblade to slice the jugular when they are looking the other way.

2. Take off one sock (a dress or tube sock; pantyhose will work in a pinch), place the Nano in the sock, swing it around as fast as you can (being careful to not hit yourself), and whack the intended target right on the temple.

3. Take the reflective shiny part and catch the sun's ray and shine it in a vehicle driver's eyes, or if you are at a rock concert and the lead singer is prancing around on a center stage that protrudes into the audience like a phallus, you can use the same technique.

4. The cord on the earbud headphones can be used to strangle someone. A knee in the back can give extra leverage.

5. Dig a pit about 5 feet deep, then take about 15 3-foot-long stakes 2 inches in diameter and sharpen one end to a fine point, like a very sharp pencil. Jam the sticks at least a foot into the ground, with the sharp ends pointing up. Cover the hole with pine boughs, grass, and leaves. Treat the Nano like a slice of cheese pizza in a deep, hot oven and place it gently in the middle.

6. Carefully unstaple a tea bag and pour the contents on a plate. Break into the lithium-ion battery pack and saturate the tea with the battery's poison, then dry the tea in the sun (or with a hair dryer if you are in a hurry). Put tea back in tea bag and bend the staple back to its original position. Put the tea bag back where you got it.

7. Download to the Nano "We've Only Just Begun" by the Carpenters. Tell someone you will give him or her your Nano if they listen to that song a hundred times in a row.

8. Hide the Nano in a bowl of lutefisk, then take it to the annual Norsefest Lutefisk Eating Competition in Madison, Minnesota.

Humm...I guess I never thought of killing someone with an iPod Nano.....

Last minute Xmas Idea for the Guys

Guys! Are looking for a last minute gift idea for that special lady in your life?

Well check this out (please note it's NSFW)!:

Farting on a flight? Don't cover your tracks with matches.

Lit Match Prompts Emergency Landing

By Martin Weil

Washington Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, December 6, 2006;  Page A08

A jetliner from Washington made an emergency landing Monday in Nashville after passengers smelled matches being struck, a Nashville airport spokeswoman said.

Lynne Lowrance, spokeswoman for Nashville International Airport, said that a passenger on the Dallas-bound flight, which had originated at Reagan National Airport, had been striking matches to mask evidence of a troubled digestive system......

UPDATE/Edit: Slo-Mo Home Depot!

I just noticed I that I originally posted the wrong link. It kind of killed the subject line (although, if anybody noticed, they kept quiet about it).

The “wrong link” was related to a Best Buy stunt and not Home Depot (it still was funny though).

So now you get a “bonus” of another hysterically funny story (unless of course you’ve bookmarked or subscribed to the site and read everything there already. ;->).

In any event….

This has got to be the funniest stunt I’ve seen in a long time.

Clicky Clicky

 

Stephen Colbert is GOD.

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The day after this aired. the Wikipedia entries for Africa, California, Oregon, Idaho, Elephant, African Bush Elephant, African Forest Elephant, African Pygmy Elephant, Loxodonta, Asian Elephant , George Washington and of course, Stephen Colbert had the following noticed paced at the beginning of the each article:

Because of recent vandalism or other disruption, editing of this article by anonymous or newly registered users is disabled (see semi-protection policy). Such users may discuss changes, request unprotection, or create an account.

 
I don't have anything against Wikipedia.  I'm quite fond of it.  I'm a Wikipedian myself, nevertheless, this is hysterically funny.  I'm not sure which is funnier, Colberts's Wikipedia "analysis" or it's aftermath.

I think I'm gonna ask Stephen Colbert to marry me. ;-)

Got Monkey Chow?

And I thought I was a weird one needing a life.

"Imagine going to the grocery store only once every 6 months. Imagine paying less than a dollar per meal. Imagine never washing dishes, chopping vegetables or setting the table ever again. It sounds pretty good, doesn't it? But can a human subsist on a constant diet of pelletized, nutritionally complete food like puppies and monkeys do?"

The Monkey Chow Diaries

 

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I found this rather amusing

The iPod from Apple Microsoft

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A dis-member to remember?

I'm probably the last person on the Internets™ to discover the following news story, but what can I say?

In case you're part of my group, I thought I'd share.   This has to be the "Odd News Story of the Month" for sure.

 

Man severs own penis, throws it at officers

March 17, 2006

BY ERIC HERMAN Staff Reporter, Chicago Sun-Times

Before cops threw the book at him, Jakub Fik threw something unusual at them -- his penis.

[Click here for the rest of the story on suntimes.com]

A Funny Anti-Bush Quote

Found on the Internets™

"After we send Bush packing back to Crawford, I say we kick Texas out of the Union. That way, the next time we get the itch to invade and steal the oil from some hot, dusty, third-world country crawling with religious zealots and ruled by a maniacal dictator, we won't have to fly halfway around the world to do it."
                                                                                                                                               -Anonymous Coward

More fun times at the office...

Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, it's time for another edition of:

Confessions of a Photocopier Repairman.

I share. You decide.

Freaky resemblance?

Max Hardcore, who loves the asshole & Fred Phelps, an (in)famous asshole.

Max

Fred